In the same vein of being “vulnerable“, here are more life musings!
Here I sit two years after hitting the “register” button for the Silver Rush 50 miler and I feel the itch again. More stable job? Great opportunity to sit and coast? Time to indulge in the first-world luxury of self-inflicted pain!!
I don’t pine for PRs (personal record, for those that don’t care about running) because I have no illusions of being a fast runner and don’t want to be reminded of my mid-pack runner status. So shaving a few minutes from my marathon time is not within my motivation sphere, but for whatever reason lengthening the distance I can run IS. Ulg, just writing it out makes me realize how dumb running is. THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT DIE BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE ENOUGH FOOD. Whew! I’ve temporarily alleviated some guilt and can re-focus on my made-up challenges.
In February I started running more consistently and realized I like it again. It probably helps that Colorado has had a summer-like late winter + early spring. So it’s been a joyful experience in bird-listening and blue sky-basking and flower-smelling. And I’m really enjoying Hoopla. It sounds like some hip new trend (said by a 30 year old…) but it’s just the public library’s AMAZING audiobook selection. Please be my friend?
Anyways, my progression has been a 10k, a half-marathon, a marathon, and a 50 mile ultramarathon…so next up is a 100k? That sounds way longer than it is – 66 miles. Really what I want is to “run” a 100 miler (in practice, it would be hobbling deteriorating to body-dragging through the rocky dirt). But my dread of working night shift also extends to moving my body over 100 miles through the night as well. So that’s still a little while off?
I don’t know why this is a life goal. It seems like my efforts would be better spent elsewhere. But this is how the little drum in my heart beats. That and traveling as much as possible. I was groomed in childhood to accomplish more professionally (wow that sounds fucking obnoxious, but I’ll leave it rest there), yet all I can focus my brain on is compulsively running, chocolate, reading, tea, the outdoors, and flying to countries where the language is different and the sights and smells are exotic and unfamiliar.
Below is a little trip back on memory lane. Mostly because I was looking back through old pictures recently and wanted to insert them somewhere on my corner of the internet:
In that introspective realm [and I realize this is a side effect of having all of my physical needs met]: just because you can do more, should you? As in, if I can do more within my career, should I? I like my job, and feel life satisfaction in helping people. Should I coast, or keep striving and reaching for whatever arbitrary goal I can recalibrate my hamster wheel towards? All of this just boils down to me trying to address self-actualization – the pinnacle of Maslow’s hierarchy. And then not really being able to…and then using running as a distraction.
Anywho…100k. By now I’ve forgotten the pain of the 50 miler, and only remember the glory that comes with the make believe achievements that middle America is good at producing. Other things in this grouping include tough mudders, paleo diets, and minimalism. My fears for doing these long trail races include those you’d expect: electrolyte imbalance-induced seizures, lightening, heart attack, mountain lions, and overwhelming nausea. I work with patients that have traumatic brain injuries so whenever I have a random twinge in my brain or am feeling off I think it’s a seizure aura. I’m sure that will help with my performance for miles 30-60. I’m trying to bring some levity to this post, while also letting you know that I am a hypochondriac. Either I went into the medical field because I wanted to know all the horrific things that can happen to my body, or I am a hypochondriac because now I know the horrific things that can happen to my body. I think it’s both.
My goal race is in July, and the training plan I am roughly following is here. Except I want to add in a day a week of weight training because I am definitely a professional runner and know better than the people at Dirty 30. But really I just think I run more easily (read: less leg burning and breath-gasping) with a little weight training and PLUS, f the man and stuff.
The summary of this ramble is that by posting my intention and training updates to the +/- 1 reader out there, I may follow through! The motivation to avoid imaginary shame from imaginary people is so strong! So thanks bottomless pit that is the internet.